Many women on the path of healing from narcissistic or emotionally manipulative relationships find themselves stuck in a painful pattern: constantly seeking approval, yet never truly feeling seen. No matter how much they accomplish, how perfectly they show up, or how deeply they care for others, there's still a lingering emptiness underneath it all.

So often, I hear, "Why do I feel like I'm only good enough when someone else tells me I am?"

Let's talk about it.

The Hidden Wounds Beneath Low Self-Worth

Low self-worth doesn't start in adulthood—it's rooted in the earliest relationships that shaped how you saw yourself and your place in the world.

If you were raised by a narcissistic, emotionally unavailable, or critical parent, love was likely transactional. You may have learned that approval had to be earned, and affection came with strings attached. Perhaps you only received praise when you achieved something, looked a certain way, or cared for others' emotions.

When your authentic self—your sadness, anger, creativity, or messiness—wasn't welcomed or mirrored, you started believing those parts were wrong or too much. You adapted by suppressing them to gain acceptance.

This is how survival-based identities form:

• The Performer: Always excelling to feel valuable.

• The Peacemaker: Avoiding conflict to stay safe.

• The Fixer: Making yourself indispensable to feel worthy.

• The Chameleon: Shapeshifting to be liked and avoid abandonment.

These roles kept you protected but also disconnected you from your truth. Over time, you internalized the message: "I am only as worthy as others allow me to be."

That's the wound. But you're not meant to live from that place forever.

The Cost of Disconnection from Your True Self

When you spend years (or decades) silencing your needs, betraying your truth, or ignoring your body's signals to belong, you eventually lose touch with your core self.

This isn't because you're weak, it's because your nervous system was wired to prioritize external safety over internal alignment.

Signs of this disconnection might include:

• Feeling unsure of who you are outside of roles like partner, mother, or caregiver.

• Struggling to name your own desires or feeling guilt when you do.

• Feeling "off" in relationships but doubting your right to speak up.

• Looking confident on the outside while secretly feeling hollow inside.

Disconnection is a survival response. When authenticity was met with rejection or punishment, you had to disconnect from your inner voice to stay safe.

But over time, this protective disconnection turns into chronic self-abandonment. You stop trusting your instincts. You second-guess your feelings. You become so focused on how others perceive you that you forget how to feel yourself from the inside out.

Healing is about slowly, gently reversing that. Coming back into your body. Your heart. Your truth. And learning that you are allowed to take up space just as you are.

Why You Crave External Validation (and Why It Never Feels Like Enough)

When internal safety and worth weren't built into your early emotional environment, external validation becomes your emotional oxygen.

You might find yourself:

• Needing constant reassurance in relationships.

• Over-apologizing or over-explaining in fear of being misunderstood.

• Becoming emotionally flooded when someone is disappointed in you.

• Feeling anxious when your achievements go unnoticed.

This craving makes sense. Validation is a human need. We're wired for connection and attunement. But the problem comes when it becomes a substitute for self-worth—when your emotional balance is dependent on how someone else feels about you in a given moment.

Why isn't it ever enough?

Because external validation can't fill an internal void. It may feel good temporarily—like a sugar rush—but it never reaches the deeper places inside of you that are longing to be seen, loved, and held by you.

You may think, "If I just achieve more… if I'm just nicer… if I'm just thinner… then I'll finally feel enough." But that moment of "enough" never arrives—because what you truly need is to feel connected to your own value, regardless of anyone else's opinion.

And here's the truth: validation becomes optional when you know who you are.

Reclaiming the Truth: You Were Never Broken

Rebuilding inner self-worth isn't about being confident all the time. It's about making space for your inner child who was never told she was enough. It's about holding her hand while you unlearn the stories that told you love must be earned.

You were never meant to chase your worth in someone else's reflection.

You were always meant to remember it was within you all along.

This is the work of reclamation.

Of coming home.

Of no longer waiting for permission to belong to yourself.

You are worthy.

You are whole.

You are sovereign.

And you don't need anyone else's approval to claim that.

With love and devotion to your healing,
Jillian
Holistic Codependency Recovery Practitioner